ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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