there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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