Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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