I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
