she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
