My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
