just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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