I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
