Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
