i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
