John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
