what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
