There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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