whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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