ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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