I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
