me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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