I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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