How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
