Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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