He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
