Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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