Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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