bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
