I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
