Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
