so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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