my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
