Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
