I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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