I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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