okay pat passed out under dana's car
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
