You can't special order awesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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