We won't sleep together?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're making bets on your personal life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
