i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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