I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
