I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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