anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
