Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
