hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
