Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
