I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
