My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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