do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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