It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
