if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
