Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
