All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
