so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
