I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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