she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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