i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
