You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize