i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
