dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
