my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
