she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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