I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
