Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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