Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
