i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
