He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
