The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
