Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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