my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you will always have a special place in my vag
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
