You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
