His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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