All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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