WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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