the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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