i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
