Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
