Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
