he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
