Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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