you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
