suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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