you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
