can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
