just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
