Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
